….I might have gotten that wrong, but no matter.
So, I’ve spent the beginning of this week taking care of the tags for my car, using my lunch periods from work because if one works a nine to five, that’s about the only time allotted to one to get said things done. Now, if you have read my blog for any length of time, you might think that you are in for a rant about what a cluster fuck the whole situation could have been and ready yourself for a colorful scenario that is lyrically painted resembling the many Queue scenes from the movie Brazil with a cast of odd characters who mumble to themselves, smell of a variety of garbage or try to start knife fights with the DAV clerks…possibly, you might be eating from a block of stale cheese while staring at yourself in the mirror and crying…or you might just be saying to yourself “Here we go again”…
In truth, the only reason I’m even mentioning it is to set up what happened directly afterwards. After finally acquiring my tags and starting my car to return to work, I had an incredible craving to have a cigarette.
This would mean very little if not for the fact that I have successfully avoided smoking for just under six months, and not actually craved a smoke for nearly the last three of them.
Now, you might be thinking that I have a theory as to why this craving came about…you might also be thinking that you can’t knit a dress out of pudding, and for thinking that I’m going to have to ask you to leave! But going back to the craving, I do have a theory: it’s what I’m calling an “accomplishment craving”…that is, what used to be an excuse to smoke as a reward. Because, if you think about it, that’s all smoking really was…a series of cravings, followed by the hacking and the poor hygiene and the serious drop in sex appeal. In any case, this theory got me to thinking three things: the first being about what would be the other “excuses” to light up…such as the “near miss craving”, where one would smoke after narrowly avoiding a catastrophe such as a car accident or a marriage…the “last cigarette craving”, used to prolong the avoiding of an unpleasant scenario such as facing an angry spouse or a firing squad…as well as the ”just woke up craving”, “going to bed craving”, “just had sex craving”, “just looked at the sun for hours craving”, “just had a cigarette craving”, “oh look! A frog! craving”, “haven’t been eaten by a half bear half shark monstrosity of nature craving”….and so on.
The second thought that came from this theory is that I need to be more aware of my surroundings when I have these thoughts, realizing at once that I was laughing to myself like an idiot while at a red light, unable to even remember most of the drive thus far and noticing everyone else around me staring as if I was an escaped lunatic…which I get a lot actually.
But it’s the third thought that this post is really about, and that this overly long intro leads to…that is, the feeling of accomplishment itself.
I have never been one to care much about the New Year in particular. It’s always , for the most part, been just another day, only with the added annoyance of getting the date wrong on checks and forms for a few weeks after. I’ve also never been one to practice the tradition of making New Year Resolutions, because if I was unwilling to make whatever changes during the year before, it was a safe bet that the calendar change wouldn’t be enough incentive to make those changes happen anyways.
But, I do have to be honest here and admit that the air has seemingly altered this New Year, in a way that I can’t totally explain…which everything that I’ve written so far is only a small part of. There’s an electricity to actually get things done, to accomplish the things that have been put aside or that I’ve only been threatening to do. Maybe it’s the fact that it’s been near six months since I’ve had a cigarette that’s fueling these feelings…maybe it’s what I (and others) should have felt at the beginning of the decade just ten years late…or it could be the fact that ancient people have only given us two more years to live..who knows? What I do know is that there seems to be a new feeling of focus, that things seem more obtainable and sharper, and for the first time in the near four decades I’ve been annoying people on this Earth I am inspired enough to make New Year Resolutions:
So here we go - I resolve to be more forgiving to those that have wronged me or will wrong me; I will make my best efforts to be more social and quit fighting my friends who have been trying to help me become so; I resolve to ease up on Canadians (ok, that’s a complete lie…I was just seeing if you are paying any attention); I will fight the slow loss of my arm to the bitter end, learning to draw and paint with my feet if I have to; and I will put a whole hearted effort into actually making a career out of the writing and the artwork….I will also wage a holy war on Canada (ok, again with the lies…I will only make fun of them about as much as I already do).
Things to look forward to include: Constant updates to my website, new books in the works, updated online stores with many goodies you can buy for your friend’s toddlers to traumatize them, updated Etsy storefront with original artwork and prints (and strange handmade things), and just possibly….just maybe, a complete redesigning of the afore mentioned website…because I just must hate sleep that much…
And by the way, HAPPY NEW YEAR to you all!!
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