Gauging Time with Breakfast Cereals.....

For those of you who are unaware, it appears that Benjamin Frankiln did see his shadow this year when he rose from the dead, resulting in the three week advanced change in Daylight Saving Time. That means tonight at 2:00 am, your clock will need to be advanced one hour in order to screw you out of at least one hour of sleep, as well as giving college students all over the continent the excuse to stroll into work tomorrow an hour late and feign ignorance to the whole situation.
You might ask yourself how this unwonted practice even came to be, or you may ask yourself why Rice Krispies are so hard to sink.....but I will only attempt to answer the first. The reason is simple: it lowers energy consumption. That should have been obvious due to the fact that high energy consumption and it's effects were such a hot topic back in 1784. But think about it for a second and it will become clear that Rice Krispies are air filled puffs of rice that barely break the surface tension of the milk.
But returning the the process of energy saving, it should be obvious the effects of one more hour daylight has. That is one hour less that many Americans will spend lighting their homes with high powered police chopper spotlights. The savings should be clear! One more hour of daylight at the end of the nine to five work day will allow many God Fearing Americans to avoid returning home to planet choking light bulbs, allowing them that extra hour to drive to and fro in their SUVs to purchase items in energy conscious candle lit stores and restaraunts, as well as the comfort of knowing that if they do happen to stay out late enough that the sun has dipped below the horizon, they can still drive home under the warm glow of the countries energy efficient street lights that are there for them during ALL hours of the now longer night.
This of course does not apply to those living in the Godless State of Indiana who apparently want to kill the planet by lighting their rooms in order to eat their tv dinners while watching Everybody Loves Raymond.
I for one not only support this despensible practice of time change, I welcome the three week advance with open armed enthusiasm for it's unarguably practical solutions to the debate on energy savings as well as helping solve the ongoing problem with lower travel costs, seeing how all American Airlines are now forced to spend billions to update their flight schedules to conform with the rest of the world's choice not to advance the time change three weeks early thereby passing on the non savings to you when you by a drastically higher flight ticket.

Join me next time when I talk to you about how the Easter Bunny saw it's shadow, returning Creationism back to the school text books and how that will hopefully lead to forced prayer.