Eating the ass out of 2005!

Finally! The end of 2005 is in site!

This has been a particularly difficult year not only for myself, but for all of those I am close to. Close to home, this year has brought tidings of pain, saddness, deceit, betrayal, failures, unemployment, sickness and death! Not so close to home this year bore war, natural disasters, sickness, death......you know, this now being in written form is making this past year seem not so different than any other year before it. But it has felt different, more amplified to a volume that at times was unbearable! It could be that I did end up spending this year a lot less drunk and my spongy brain was able to retain and comprehend more, but I doubt that.

No, this year had been born with a poisonous thorn in it's ass that made it mad at the world and seeking revenge. I have recently been told that possibly God itself sent this year upon us as a test of our character, and if that's so, I know a lot of people who have failed and will have to be held back another year! Good luck to those poor bastards! Myself, I don't remember enrolling in God's class so it can stuff this pop test up it's Holy Ass....I'll drop out even if it guarantees me an incomplete when I die.

Now, I'm not saying that this year was all bad, not at all! I have spent time with some amazing people, learned who my true and lifelong friends are and met some more. I had been shaken out of my self-imposed creative hiatus and routine and borrowed money from my muse! (on interest I might add.....fucking muses!)

But that being said, I am glad this year is finally sounding it's death rattle and is making it's way to the Great Year Graveyard, which is a lot like a secret elephant graveyard, but with a lot less elephants....and by a lot less I mean none....none being zero......quit looking at me!

Oh, but this year is NOT going to get off that easy! No! It's going to take a mountain of porn! But that's not even what I'm talking about when I say getting off, pervert! No, this year will not be allowed to join those that came before it in their final resting place, it needs to be put down before that thus sending it into a purgatory where it can remain forgotten....I want this year to have the inability to resurface in ghost-like form (much like Obi-Wan did with Luke....I'm a nerd, what can I say?) keeping it from reminding me of itself, telling me who my real father is, not to follow the Dark Side, or to remember to put on pants before going out!

A hunting party has already been established, consisting of myself and my friend Clint.....more like a hunting duo.....that complains and threatens one another....ok, more like two dumbasses weilding sticks and walking in circles constantly asking the other if they know where they're going.....and it has recently come to my attention that Clint doesn't know and thanks to him we're now lost! My original plan was to use Clint as bait, and when 2005 pounced on him and started to feed, I was going to raise my weapon while all at once losing my nerve....and then I run like hell screaming and shitting myself! But now it seems that I'm going to have to just kill Clint and live off his carcass if I want to make it to see 2006!

If anyone finds this letter, Help! I am lost in the wilderness and running out of Clint soup! Please send money and an Xbox 360!

God damnit.....I hate 2005!