As I'm sure most of you can't remember, yesterday was Friday....or to be more specific, April 20th....or 4/20.....THE 4/20!! Now, I had made up my mind long ago never to become involved with this particular day, especially after Nancy Reagan's captivating "Just Say NO to April 20th" campaign.....but the day snuck up on me much like the 12 year old dealer in those commercials: "Hey man, you wanna try something that's COOL?" "Uh, what?" "Some April 20th. It'll blow your mind!" "Uh....I...I don't know....Nancy says..." "What?! Are you CHICKEN?!" "I'm not chicken! You're a TURKEY!"....and then McGruff the Patriot Act Dog appears and says, "That's right little inbred Billy Bob! Only minorities and communists get involved with April 20th. Now, kick him in the balls and tell a teacher!"
I have to say that I felt pressured and cheated yesterday. I never agreed to April 20, and finding myself on it left me angry and with no one to kick in the balls besides the neighbor who was walking his dog...which led to my hiding from the cops for a good portion of the morning. I wasn't about to explain myself to the police due to the fact that they were blatantly on April 20th themselves!
Actually, as the day progressed, I started to notice just how many people were on April 20th. Everyone I encountered was, and it led to the realization that it was a safe assumption that EVERYONE was!!! This made me think that not only was the day far less dangerous than sold to me, but the whole War on April 20th was an overly expensive government implemented failure! I decided to just relax and experience the day with an open mind.
I have to admit here that I honestly don't know what the big deal is. None of the food that I consumed during the day tasted any better, the colors of things looked the same, I didn't feel at all any more creative than any other day, and I would still rather listen to the sounds of a kitten getting slowly strangled than listen to the Grateful Dead or Phish! Going further, I also experienced none of the negative effects promised me by the famed propaganda film 'April 20th Mania'; I didn't rob a bank, I didn't suddenly father 13 mexican children and go on welfare, Socialism didn't suddenly make sense to me, and I didn't create a Saturday morning program with people in costumes in order to corrupt the Nation's youth. It became clear to me that everything I have ever heard about this day was either a flat out lie, or exaggerated to insane proportions.
That is, until this morning. I awoke this morning to the sad truth that is April 20th as being a 'gateway' day. Don't believe me? Just look at your calendar.....it's already April 21st! As much as I never agreed to 4/20, I never expected to find myself on 4/21! At this rate, I'll find myself on April 22nd by the end of the day! If you do the math as I have, you will see the snowball effect of days leading to other days, eventually leading to the consuming of months, and then years! The only logical outcome to all this is our inevitable death, and I'm afraid the downward spiral is already in full effect.
Damn you day peddling Gregorians! Damn you!
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