Part Two: I'm Only Safe when You're at Walmart
So, I am under the impression that I owe you all another list of ten facts thanks to Rachael.....but this time, ten facts about vomiting. So let's get started, shall we?
1. I really have no reason ever to set foot into a McDonalds, due in part to hating the place as well as seeing Supersize Me, but even more than that, McDonald's food has always held a slight aroma in my mind that can only be compared to the vomit and sawdust combination that traumatized many of us back in grade school whenever one of our classmates threw up all over his or her desktop.
2. I once threw up in a friend's fish tank. There were no survivors.
3. I would much rather vomit in public at any given day in any giving circumstance than shit myself ever. If you are new to this blog, my fear of poop filled pants was covered in a previous list of ten random facts.
4. While I can't think of any time vomiting is actually enjoyable, throwing up while incredibly too stoned on pot is probably the worst of times. I don't smoke the stuff any more, haven't really for a long long time (damn becoming somewhat responsible!), but if memory serves, it was a bad enough feeling getting sick while high that I just might opt to shit myself instead.
5. My mother is the absolute most sensitive person in the world when it comes to puke. If she see's someone throw up, she'll follow suit shortly after. If she even hears the sounds of gagging, she's sure to vomit! My brother and I used this knowledge to our advantage while growing up. Sorry mom!
6. I nearly wet myself during the vomiting scene of Team America. Not only because it was one of the funniest scenes of the movie, but I discovered that even puppets puking can make my mother sick.
7. A balloon just floated past my window. That has nothing to do with vomit or vomiting, but I thought I'd share.
8. I remember being sick in the middle of the night several times when I was a small zombiespoon. I remember my father placing a large pot next to my bed in case I had to throw up in the wee hours of the morning, and I remember having to use that pot to catch the half digested contents of my stomach.
Now, I also remember being sent to my room for the nights I refused to eat dinner when I saw that same fucking pot being used to cook chili in!
9. I think someone should write a book about throwing up in every state. Clint? I'd buy that coffee table book before Kevin's Church Sign book.
10. My school took the entire eighth grade class to King's Island at the end of the school year. Some of my friend's and I managed to sneak vodka in with us and proceeded to get "tore up" for lack of a better way to put it. My diet that day consisted of much popcorn and too much vodka. You probably see where this is going, but just wait, it gets even better.
I finally braved the line for the coaster dubbed 'the Beast' (I have an insane hatred of lines). I also managed to get myself placed in the very first car. Now, about a few minutes into the ride came the realization that I was going to get sick. Not the "God I hope I don't get sick" or the "Maybe I can hold off getting sick"....no. This was the "Oh, here it comes" sick.
I remember having the vision of the coaster that someone got sick on where they threw up to one side and covered the side of the car. I didn't want to be that person. In my eighth grade inebriated state I had the genius idea that when my insides made their way out, I would vomit them into the sky above me, avoiding car covering disaster and probably winning the key to the city and a date with Madonna. (Keep in mind, this was the 80's). So, when the event happened shortly after, I threw my head back triumphantly, expecting my puke to fly into the heavens. What actually happened was that the entire top of my head became saturated with vodka, popcorn and stomach acid, followed shortly by the screams of everyone who was unfortunate to be sitting in the cars behind me that day.
I did not get the key to the city that day....nor has Madonna ever called.
