...and there will be French Toast in the morning!

A few things have recently come to my attention: First, that I am the newest member of the unemployed (which I have learned is NOT actually an invertabrate animal closely related to the squid....I blame public schooling for that misconception)....and Second, that I am at this moment in New York (which has nothing to do with chocolate covered mints that make you think that you are skiing in some majestic mountain setting....for that I blame myself).

Did you know that it costs near seven dollars to ride the train one way from Northport on Long Island to Penn Station in the city? Or that throwing eggs at pedestrians while naked as the day you were born and screaming obscenities as explitives will land you in jail? Or finally that it's really NOT a good idea to go to jail completely naked?

These are the things that I'm learning about the big city. I also learned that gasoline is not a good liquid to use to put out your friend when he's on fire....but that's most likely true everywhere besides France....so forget I even brought it up.

No, I am here due to my promise to myself NOT to repeat the mistakes of 2005, but rather to invent a whole new dictionary of mistakes to write about days before it turns into 2007. With any luck, I'll be writing about those mistakes from my apartment in New York (most likely Brooklyn), free of both my southern accent and the last lingering shadows of my once full Chicago accent. Also, with any luck, my naked, egg-throwing friend Clint will be out of jail by then, and mostly healed from his horrible burns.

New for 06: Primate Hunting!!!!

yet another list..

a Year of Things I Do Not want to Overhear Someone Say while Secretly Listening to their Conversation

- I find that I'm sexually attracted to sandwiches...
- *cough* the doctor says it's highly contagious! *cough*
- Head's Up!
- While prison did cure me of my heterosexuality, it did nothing to stop the overwhelming need to rape!
- Why yes! I did shit myself! Thanks for asking...
- Well, it's all the bathing in human blood that's keeping my skin so soft...
- I need to find something to wear for the next Art Soiree...do you know where hookers shop?
- I'm so angry, I just need to STAB someone!!!
- Does this estrogen make me look fat?
- Damnit! Have you seen a snake around here? I just had it a second ago....
- I'm almost done building that new torture room I told you about...
- Want to hear my new poem about my vagina?
- Our chef is so dedicated...he's been vomitting all day, but still came into work!
- Oh my God!!! The vial broke!! It's a good thing we're wearing these hazmat suits!
- This? It's my lucky foetus....
- I don't know what I'm going to do when Bush's term is up....I just can't imagine voting for anyone smarter than a 20th generation imbred!